Overtly British Toad in the Hole

Or, three flavors that seem to get along just fine first thing in the morning.  You will need:

one egg
one slice of bread, with a hole punched through the centre
one pad of butter, creased to resemble the union jack

Place the pad of butter onto a small skillet and begin frying on MED-HI, placing the empty bread down and dropping the egg into its cavity.  Fry, fry, fry, for about a minute or two until you can see the bottom (through the translucent top) of the egg whiten.  Flip it over swiftly, careful not to get raw egg all over the place.  Now, take a dash of mustard powder and a squirt of Worcestershire and slather it over your toad in the hole.  Let the egg fry another minute or two, then flip once more (making it three flips in total) and add a dash of malt salt (or failing that, just the slightest dashes of salt and vinegar).
Accompanied by a cup of tea in newspaper, breakfast slowly and think of England.

Perhaps the Best Breakfast Ever

Not going to lie, but I think I may have discovered the greatest breakfast ever.  Follow me, if you will...

You need:
one English muffin
one egg
one sprig of green onion, chopped
one slice of Spam
one butterknifing of Vegemite
a touch of salt and pepper

Simply put, drop a dab of butter into a skillet on MED-HI and drop in the green onions first, keeping them to one side.  Drop on the slice of Spam, then after a minute drop an egg over the onions.  Pop down your English muffin in the toaster, flip egg and spam, then once the muffin pops apply Vegemite.  Cut spam and egg in half with spatula and top muffin halves with bit a of each and a sprinkling of your favorite cheese and perhaps fresh slice of tomato (if handily available).  However bold the breakfast, it would be incomplete without a pot of coffee and a side of Greek yoghurt.

And enjoy.

Spamworthy Split Pea Soup

1 hour to prepare; amply serves 2

1 box Streit's split pea soup mix (or similar substance)
4 cups water
1/2 cup Spam, cubed
1/2 onion, 1/2 sweet potato, likewise chopped
pepper, herb d'Provence, 2 cloves garlic, etc
1/2 cup mushroom and 1 tomato, chopped

Begin boiling the water on the stove, as per the Streit's directions.  Once boiling, add the peas, garlic, sweet potatoes, and onion to the pot; cover and simmer on a LO heat.  Set your timer for one hour (total), bearing in mind the various steps during the cooking process.  Viz, add the Spam after thirty minutes; add the mushroom, tomato, and flavourant after forty-five.  At the hour mark the soup should be ready to eat!
Easy, eh?  But no split pea soup would quite be complete without a complimentary carbo to accompany it.  Having neither crackers nor corn meal (for some grade-A cornbread) on hand I've decided to resurrect my Quick-fix Zam Curry Bread.  When the soup is at the half-hour mark add to a bowl:

3/4 or 1 full cup of flour
a dash of salt
an ample dusting of baking powder
a tsp of curry powder and a dusting of chili powder
a dribbling of oil

Mix all this together with a butter knife and add some water from the tap; not a lot, now!  In marginal increments add to and mix the floury mixture until it becomes a nearly doughy (moist but still floury in texture) mixture.  Knead it into a ball with your hands and let it sit in the bowl for ten or fifteen minutes.  Heat up a skillet with a light covering of oil (like a home-infused garlic olive oil, for instance) and pressing the dough ball flat, fry on MED or MED-HI until browned a bit on either end.  Should be about ready as the soup finishes up, perfect for a spicy sop.

And viola!  A meal fit for a soup kitcheny king.

(Compliment with a fragrant glass of ouzo.)

Simply Scones

Nothing says 'good morning' like piping hot dough and a caffeinated beverage.  So unless one is prepared to fry up some fresh doughnuts for some coffee - never the simple task, first thing in the morning - an easy fifteen minutes can be employed making scones for tea.


Makes six.  Requires:

1 cup flour
1 tbs sugar
1/2 tsp baking soda
pinch of salt
2 tbs butter
1/4+ cup of milk

Preheat yon oven to 425 and add the dry ingredients to a mix bowl.  Drop in the butter and begin pinching it off into the flour, working the butter eventually down to crumbly floury near-homogeny.  Crisco off a baking pan and add the milk to the mixing bowl; knead out to between 3/4-1 inch thickness and tear or cut into six pieces (or make one mega-scone in an effort to impress your neighbors/scare their children/offend the English) and place on the pan.  Before inserting into the oven, dab a little milk onto the scones for color and then place into the oven and time for ten minutes.  Now put your kettle on; all told, you should have a perfect cup o' tea and some fresh scones shortly.  A little bit of butter and/or jam/preserves should top them off nicely.

Also, consider adding dried fruit or honey to the mix; shake things up a bit, eh!

Bing Slurry Surprise

A delightful little dish I whipped up on the fly this evening; the cherries occurred to me towards the end of cooking, but they really tied the whole meal together.

Makes two servings.

1 cup brown rice, 1 1/2 cups water
1 5.5 oz can sardines in tomato sauce (such as Ligo brand)
1/2 onion, 1/2 tomato, 1/2 cup fresh bing cherries; all chopped
half can of garbanzo beans
a touch of oil, a splash of milk, 2 tbs soy sauce, and a tbs of curry powder
a crumbling of feta

Directions:

Begin cooking your brown rice, either in a rice steamer or as directed.  Meanwhile heat a skillet/pan/wok/whathaveyou and some oil and begin chopping your onion.  There's no hurry; the rice will take a while to cook.
If you like, open up your tin of sardines and place fish, sauce, and all into a bowl by the sink.  There should typically be three or four fish torsos per can; take the time to split them open with your fingers and remove the spines.  Once done, add your curry powder and splash of milk and set aside for later.
Returning to the now hot pan, begin sauteing the onions on a MED-HI or MED setting.  After five minutes add the garbanzos and begin chopping yon tomato and pitting/chopping the wonderful Bing cherries.  Perhaps do it near a sink; that juice runs freely and stains everything!  Add to the pan and top off with your fish curry, turning the mixture down to a MED or MED-LO setting.  Add your soy sauce and whichever spices sound appropriate (I opted for a bit of black pepper) and nurse your curry as the rice cooks on.
Once the rice is finished and fluffed, platter up and serve under sauce, topping with a crumbling of feta and a cuppa your favorite tea.  And enjoy!  The surprise is how anybody can go without at least two tins of sardines in the pantry!  {A must, in this day and age of ours.}

Easy Escargot

Serves: two as an entree, three or four as a side, or a small gathering as an appetizer
Prep time:  twenty-five to thirty minutes

1 dozen escargot-acceptable (i.e. edible) snails
1/2 stick of butter, and possibly some olive oil (explained later)
2 shallots, thinly sliced
3 cloves garlic, well minced
Herbs d'Provence, salt, and pepper

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 400 F.  In a shallow foil-covered pan place your snails in close proximity to one another (but not quite touching).  Melt your butter in either the microwave or on the stove top, then pour atop the snails along with the shallots, garlic, herbs et al.  Ideally the liquefied butter should cover the snails completely; if not, add some olive oil (or consider using a smaller pan, if possible; the idea of using foil cupcake cups did occur to me).  Place in the oven; they should take between twenty and twenty-five minutes to cook, but the key is that the butter/oil begins to boil (so keep an eye on things).  A delightful summer dish, escargot goes well with tossed pasta or really any sort of light food as strikes your fancy.  And enjoy!

Beef Lo Mein

Relatively simple to make, and quite filling.  Not recommended for those on the Atkins regimen.

Preparation time:  15 min. once noodles are cooked

Serves:  Five

You will most certainly need:

a pound and a half of spaghetti (or soft noodles, if you like)

one pound-plus of stir fry-style beef strips --> marinated overnight with soy sauce, a touch of Worchestershire, garlic, and a generous spoonful of horseradish

one cup peas

one large white or yellow onion, five cloves garlic, a shallot or two

one cup mushroom, sliced

cooking oil, soy sauce, oyster sauce, 2 tsp sugar, and sriracha

Directions:

Begin by boiling up a pot of water for your noodles; if using spaghetti boil for seven or eight minutes until al dente, otherwise use as directed.  You may use this time to arrange your ingredients, chop your onion, arrange your socks, etc.  Once the noodles are boiled and drained, place into a large bowl.  In a smaller bowl add two tsp of sugar, five or six tbs of soy sauce, and two tbs of the oyster sauce; stir together and microwave for 20 seconds, then apply liberally to the bowled noodles with three cloves of minced garlic and a slight drizzling of cooking oil.  Take two forks and fluff, then add your cup of peas (I used frozen; fluff again and allow the scalding-hot pasta to simply warm them up, or use fresh!) and leave off to the stovetop.

Cover the bottom of a wok with a thin layer of oil and heat it up to HI.  After a minute or so, add your marinated beef (see underlined text in ingredients for details).  Let fry for a minute, then flip; once flipped, add your chopped onion and remaining two mashed cloves of garlic, then squirt a substantial wavelength of sriracha atop that.  Giving it a minute (wait for it), mix the current wok ingredients well together, letting it sizzle and stirring occasionally while slicing the mushrooms.  Add them to the mix, stir together, then turn the heat down to a MED level.  

Now comes the marriage of the two stages:  add the prepared noodles to the wok, and opting for the earlier two forks (rather than a spatula) begin fluffing them together with the beef/onion/et al, minding not to fire peas all over the place.  Take your time with this, allowing the noodles a brief time to each touch the bottom of the wok (and the juices and so forth therein).  Once mixed, the lo mein should be ready to serve!

{Optional ingredients:  diced celery, snow or snap peas, minced carrots... most anything that sounds plausible and complementary will suffice.}

Monstrously Good Karachi Curry

Preparation time:  45 min. if preparing with soaked beans, otherwise 25 min.

Serves:  Three

You will definitely need:

two cups brown rice

1 1/2 lbs of most any sort of cheap beefsteak

at least half a bottle of curry powder (4-5 tbs)

5-6 tbs of tomato paste/sauce/etc.

1/2 pint cream/milk/coconut milk

1/2 cup dried pinto beans, or tinned equivalent of garbanzos et al

spices such as fennel seed, celery salt, brown sugar, mustard, etc.

any number of supporting ingredients

Quite the process here, but it'll be well worth it!  The day prior, take your meat and cut it into strips, then cubes.  Pop them into a freezer bag, and add a tbs of Grey Poupon (the roughest, brownest stuff possible), a tbs of yellow curry powder, crushed fennel seed, and a bit of water.  Shake well and slag it into the fridge.  If you opt to use dried beans, put half of a cup or so in a Gladware container atop the fridge with some water; soaking now will save a lot of grief at cook-time.

Day next, ponder hard at what you'd like to eat in curry form; I decided to go for two red potatoes, chopped yellow onion, two hardboiled eggs, five chopped mushrooms, a generous handful of raisins, and the meat and beans.  Other tasty possibilities might be peppers (hot or not), sweet potatoes, celery, any sort of fruit (dried or not)... use your imagination!  But begin boiling your soaked beans in a pot of water and a liberal dash of salt; shouldn't take more than twenty or so minutes, if you've soaked them overnight.  If you opt for red potatoes, chop and add them to the boiling beans about ten minutes in.  Once they're all done and edible, consider them just another ingredient to momentarily add to the mix.

Otherwise (if dried beans are not your thing) cover the bottom of a sizable wok with butter and turn on to HI or MED-HI.  While that's heating up, begin preparations for yon rice; I use a rice cooker (Yan Can Cook!) and two cups of brown rice, which should about sync up with the curry preparation.  Once that's begun, add your drained marinated meat to the wok and begin dicing the onions, mushrooms, et al and add them along.  Pretty soon you should have a fairly wonderful-smelling affair cooking up!  Next, take a bowl and add several heaping tbs of curry powder, half a pint of half-and-half (or coconut milk, or milk) and four or five tbs of either tomato paste, spaghetti sauce - basically, something tomato-based that should serve to add color, flavor, and substance to the curry mixture.  Mix well, then add to your wok and again mix well.

At this point, assault your soupy mixture with HI heat and a barrage of spices.  Essentials include something hot (a nice spiral of Sriracha for me), something salty (I opt for celery salt, as it is an earthier flavor that shouldn't overpower the curry), and something sweet (a small handful of brown sugar should work wonders).  Other spices may include garlic (mushed, chopped, or powdered), fennel seed, mustard powder, soy sauce, paprika... again, beyond the essential three it's up to you the consumer to decide.

Once the wok is a bubbling stew of good flavor, try and let it boil on for three to five minutes, stirring and turning, really nannying your curry.  Otherwise, it will become a thick crunchy mess to scrape off the wok later.  Once it's reached that prime consistency (neither too soupy nor too dry, just nice and thick) turn it down to LO and give it a spoon-taste to see what you think; is it missing anything?  Now is the time to nitpick.

Another thing to consider (hopefully you've read this recipe well before mulling it through on the stovetop) is whether or not a side bread is to be considered.  I broiled up two thick slices of cheesy garlic bread for three minutes, towards the rice's completion.  However, there are many fine naan and flatbread recipes out there, for the adventurous.  Try them out!

Once the rice is done cooking, the meal should be ready to dish out.  Bowl up the rice first, then cover with a liberal quantity of your curry, bread possibly to the side.  (Goes well with coffee, although a tall glass of milk might be nice.)  And maze karein!  Guaranteed, you and your friends/family will be sprawled about on the furniture within half an hour!  

Pork Chop Shout-Out

So I've just tried out the greatest pork chop recipe.  Check out:  http://busycooks.about.com/od/porkentreerecipes/r/applechop.htm

They may well be the best I'd ever had.  So big thanks to Linda!  It goes quite well with skin-on whipped potatoes (try adding finely-diced apples and a bit of horseradish), corn (you know, corn), and fresh-baked corn bread (ideally incorporating bacon grease, and perhaps bits of the aforementioned corn).  Cap off with a nice beer, and prepare to sleep well!

Happy-go-lucky Meat Pie

Preparation time:  25 min. cooking, 45 total

Serves:  Four

You will need:

1# beefsteak {cheap ball tips will do}, cut into cubes

1 yellow/white onion

2 or 3 small boiled potatoes

four mushrooms, sliced

half cup garbanzo beans

2 tsp red curry paste, 5 tbs water, splash of half & half; mixed

cornucopia of spices; Worcestershire, mustard powder, garlic… the spice rack is your oyster!

2 cups flour, enough water to make dough, and a splash of salt

1 large whipped egg yolk, 1 tbs half & half

Preheat your oven to 425 F and begin making your dough.  I’ve never done pie crusts before, but add your flour , water {eyeball it}, and salt and divide the doughy mass into 2/3 and a third {for your crust and top, respectively}.  Roll it out and leave it on the counter; there’s filling to fry.  In a large skillet or wok, brown your meat and onions in butter {shouldn’t take more'n five minutes}.  If you’re using Worcestershire, douse it on now.   Chop up your mushrooms and potatoes and add them toward the end with the curry mixture and whichever spices you’ve decided on.  And voila!  Place your crust into the pan/metal bowl of your choice and dump the mixture triumphantly therein.  Cover with the crust-top {remember to punch your vents first!} and top with the egg-cream mixture.  Pop into the oven for 25-30 minutes and stewy, pie-eyed goodness awaits!

Oyster Sauce Whitefish {i.e. awesome!}

Preparation time:  about 20 minutes

Serves:  one

Requirements: 

¾ cups rice (boiled in 1 cup water)

1 pollock (or similarly white fish) fillet, defrosted

half an onion

half a green and/or red pepper

a few mushrooms

2 tbsp. Oyster Sauce, 3 or 4 tbsp. soy sauce, and a teaspoon of sugar

Directions:

Begin boiling your rice.  Chop up your veg and heat up a large pan with a little oil.  Begin frying your fish and onions (it shouldn’t take long) on MED-HI.  Meanwhile, mix up the sauces and sugar in a small bowl and microwave it for 20-30 seconds.  Add your mushrooms and peppers to the pan as the fish/onions near readiness, and mix them all up (the fish should fall apart in the process).  When satisfied (after a total fry time of ten minutes or so), turn the stove to LOW and add your sauce to the pan.  Let it percolate a bit until your rice is ready.  Plate up your rice and serve the fish et al over the top.  And enjoy!

Trottin' Pea Soup

So I was doing a bit of grocery shopping with the last of my stamps from Alaska, and I pass the canned-and-otherwise preserved meat aisle.  {Four, I think it was.}  Lo and behold, my eye caught the top-shelved jars of pickled pigs feet.  Never in all my days have I given them a go; no clue even what they might taste like.  So I buy one all the same, for experience sake.

Three weeks later, the thing is still in my fridge and I have no idea what to do with them.  And suddenly it hits me:  pea soup!  I mean, basically it's ham.  As for the rest of the story…

Preparation Time:  between one or two hours; honestly, it depends on the peas you buy.  Manischewitz pea soup mix takes about 45 minutes to an hour; Hurst’s should take between one to one and a half.

Serves:  plenty; I’d say ten or so servings sounds about right.

Requirements:

1# bag of split peas

1 jar of pickled pigs feet; drained, rinsed, and so forth {they emerge like Austin Powers from cryro-}

1 medium-sized onion, chopped into petals

3 cloves garlic

1 sweet potato, simply chopped

3 bay leaves, a douse of pepper and a brace of salt, with just a pinch of Old Bay

6 baby bella mushrooms, sliced

Directions:

Add 12 cups of water to a fairly large pot and add a dash of salt.  Throw in your peas, feet, onion, garlic, potato and spices; everything but the mushrooms.  Turn on to HIGH and bring to a boil; let boil for half an hour, stirring occasionally.  [Helpful Pairing:  In the meantime, make up a dose of cornbread; I don’t have any recipes in particular, sorry to say.]  After the first half hour has passed, add your mushrooms, and crank the heat down to a ‘2’ or MED-LOW setting.  Depending on the peas you purchased, it should simmer anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour and a half.  Basically, once the peas are broken down into a stewy mush.  Between that and your cornbread, your kitchen should be smelling quite fine!  {Makes great leftovers.}

Super Happy Sunbird General Tsao

The most important thing to remember is you need the Sunbird-brand yellow packette of General Tsao mix.  I don't know why, but these 89 cent packs of flavourant are better than any sauce or mix I've ever had.  Beyond that, you will need:

1 pot for 2 cups rice {with 2 1/2 cups of water}, with a splash of oil and a clove of minced garlic thrown in.

1 small fry pan for frying your chicken {I prefer boneless thigh meat, cut into bit-sized cubes, dipped in raw egg, then rolled in flour}; no more than a pound or pound and a half is necessary.

1 large pan or wok for frying your veg and combining it all in the end.  Veg can include yellow or white onions {gotta have the onions!}, more garlic, green onion, green and/or orange pepper, baby bella mushroom, corn, chick peas, tomato, and sweet potato.  Really, most anything'll work.

Directions:

Begin boiling your rice on high and heat up the two fry pans, what with their oil and all.  Once the rice comes to a boil, set a timer for twenty minutes and put it down on LOW or '2' or whatever.  This is now your time clock.  Fry up your chicken bits on a HIGH setting, and if you have sweet potatoes begin frying them up in the wok.  The reason I fry the chicken up separate is because the flour residue kind of gums up the tsao if it's all made together.  During the course of the cooking, add your veg in waves depending on their 'toughness.'  I would usually add onions and garlic next, then when those begin browning I turn down the heat and add the peppers {if you've got them}, then the mushroom and tomato and any other ingredients.  These should be simmering on '4' or '5', MED like, with six or seven minutes on the clock.

By now you should also have your tsao mix ready to roll, as per the packette directions.  Like, 3/4 cups of water, mixed in with a good deal of soy sauce {just say when} and 1/4 cup of sugar and the pack.  Add your chicken pieces {which will prolly have been done a few minutes earlier} to the wok, mix, then add the liquid flavor.  Bring to a boil by turning it up to HIGH, mixing everything around in the meantime.  Once it starts boiling, bring it back down to a medium setting.  By now there should be two or maybe three minutes on the clock.  The sauce should thicken, and you should check out that rice; should be soft, but not too bloated... you know how rice looks.  But notice that garlic flavor?  Awesome, right?

And dinner is served!  Queue up and dig in.

Scroungy Pasta Surprise

So I was rooting around in the fridge in search of a proper lunch, but I'll be damned if there was much of anything.  What we did have turned out to be the makings of a fine sauce...


Preparation time:  about ten minutes
Serves:  two human beings or one hungry bachelor
Pairing:  white wine or light beer

What you require:
{imagination, foremost}
half of an onion
three baby bella mushrooms {or tinned equivalent}
two cloves garlic
an old roma tomato
a handful of spaghetti {mottling with yellow age in the cupboard, no doubt}
a semi-used container of alfredo sauce {the variety of which is unimportant}
a spice cabinet and olive oil

Directions:  start boiling a mid-sized pot half-filled with water {with a glob of oil and dash of salt in the mix} and begin chopping your veg.  I try to get four or five fair-sized slices out of each baby bella; chop the onion and tomato as you prefer.  Mash one clove of the garlic with your kitchen knife.  Heat a small skillet with some oil {I start on HIGH} and drop in your onion and mashed garlic as the pot meanwhile nears boiling temperature.  I like to add fennel seed at this point, if you've got it.  There should be one or two minutes of HIGH-frying before you need to add your pasta to the pot, at which point turn the skillet down to a MED setting.  Add mushrooms {to the pan} and let fry on one side, then the other; cook until they are tender and slightly browned, and add your tomato and a dash of Italian herb {every kitchen has it}.  Check your pasta to make sure it is not clumped together at the bottom of the pot.  If it tends to clump {i.e. fuse together in an inedible collection} you may need to either add more oil or stir on occasion in future.  When the noodles are limp, but not quite done {gritty to taste} add your sauce to the skillet and any necessary pepper or seasonings you may further require, and turn down to MED-LOW.  Once your pasta is done-and-drained, crush and add your remaining garlic clove with a little oil, salt, herb, and black pepper, {all to taste as before} and mix well.  Serve up on plates or perhaps bowls {depending on how much sauce you've made}, adding said sauce last.  It being an alfredo, no parmesan should be necessary.  And revel in your culinary salvage!

Phenomenal Leek Soup

There's more to life than short stories and depravity; in addition to drinking coffee, I enjoy a bit of cooking now and then.  I don't know about the rest of you, but before doing a bit of bitterly cold pub-crawling I enjoy a spot of good soup and bread.  Here's a recipe I've tried from off of the http://www.aftouch-cuisine.com site[i], with only a few minor alterations.

Preparation time:  about 45 minutes

Serves:  fourish

Y'all {the royal You} will need:

3/4# leeks [about 4]

3/4# potatoes [I use Yukon Gold]

3 oz butter [lightly salted]

1 1/4 cup of heavy cream

2 litres water

some thyme and two bay leaves

salt and black pepper to taste

Optional Ingredients:

1 cup chopped fresh mushroom

1/2 chopped sweet vidalia onion

1 clove garlic

croutons & cheese to garnish

Directions:  finely chop up your leeks {keeping the white and whitish bits} and potatoes {I keep the skins on mine}.  In your pot, melt the butter and add yon leeks.  Cover and let simmer for 5 or 6 minutes.  Add the potatoes, water, et al and bring to a boil.  Reduce heat and simmer for 30-35 minutes.  If you planned to have garlic bread etc. on the side {recommended!} you may take this time to prepare it.  Fish out your bay leaves and {this is important} stir in the cream until fully incorporated.  Voilà!  Garnish with ample whathaveyou, and enjoy.

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[i] A fantastic collection of recipes, by the way.  If you like French cuisine, give’r a go.